Coffee In Kabale. Coffee How You Hear Coffee

Ugandans are the best coffee drinkers in Africa. This is becauase Ugandans drink the best coffee.

 

And Ugandans are the best coffee drinkers in Africa because we drink coffee the best way, too, as in the most efficient and effective way. We get the most bang for buck. We get the most mileage. Let me show you my reasoning. 

I recently came upon a statistic from someone called Global Entrepreneurship Monitor saying that we were the most entrepreneurial nation in the world. Aate will I argue? I will just ask, what else could explain this except for the fact that we are drinking Ugandan coffee?

Uganda coffee is rocket fuel for the brain and mouth. Uganda coffee is an infinity stone.

Uganda coffee is radical extremist coffee. It is professional coffee. It comes to work, not to play. It is not only why we have so many brilliant entrepreneurs, it is also why every idiot in Uganda is a huge idiot. They drank Uganda coffee and it amplified, energised and clarified their thoughts. It is not the fault of Uganda coffee that the thoughts were stupid.

Uganda coffee is better than. Put anything you want at the end of that sentence and it will pass the exam.

But Uganda coffee is not only a great pick me up. It also tastes good. 

I like my coffee strong, sweet and black, the way I liked my woman before she… well, let’s just say we both did and said some things which we couldn’t take back and if you are going to lie that someone is your cousin, please don’t snapchat when you are rubadubbing yourselves in clubs. I was saying: I like my coffee how I liked my woman: strong, sweet etc, and from Kanungu.

Kanungu coffee is something else. Like, deep and sensual and flavourful. It is like drinking a Ntale song. 

Say you are playing a Ntale/Kanyomozi/Iryn playlist and your ears are having the immense blast that ensues from such music. Your tastebuds observe in envy, thinking, “Even us we want to enjoy like that kko. The neurons in our glands also want to reach equivalent ecstasy.” 

Just brew some Kanungu coffee and sip it to those tastebuds. Sip. Aaaah. Now everybody is happy.

So, the social experiment was to find out if the power, potency and pleasantness of Kanungu coffee is affected by proximity to place of origin. Does Kanungu coffee taste better here than it does in Kampala?

To begin I called, “Garcon! One coffe, pronto!” I did it in a rude way to throw him off guard. I did not want to contaminate the results of the experiment. You see, waiters tend to know that when they serve me Ugandan coffee I am their bitch. They could say: “Sir, before I place this cup down at your table, just one question. I was wondering if you could possibly tell us, me and everyone else here in the cafe, who your daddy is.”

And you think I will hesitate? You are my daddy! Gimme my coffee! You are my daddy. You and the Barista are Darth Freaking Vader. Gimme my Ugandan coffee!

That’s in Kampala. In Kampala, my favourite waiters and baristas know I live in their bottles. I needed a neutral playing ground. I needed Garcon to treat me like a normal person. So I was rude. Kampalans are rude. Assholes just.

“Garcon! Pronto! Chap chap!”

The results?

I smiled more broadly and more fully with each draught. By the time I got to the dregs, my eyes were shut and I was humming, “Nebwooli kola otyaaa, (Even if you do what).”

Following the coffee, I did the wordle in four minutes. So, the expected impact on mentals was recorded.

To answer the question, though, of whether Kabale region coffee is better in Kabale region? No.

Not really. No discernible difference. It was just as good.

But you can’t bame it. You know how good Uganda coffee is. So good that nothing can improve it.

You can’t make it any better without making it beer.