Aka Simpansay

Chimpanzee

Guide Thomas tried to suggest waking up early start to the chimp tracking but as aforementioned, Kabale is cold and very few things have enough power and influence to will draw a Kampala of of a warm duvet on a cold morning. 

They are

Threat of imminent starvation

Promise of Imminent sex

Fire outbreak on bed (and threat of imminent conflagration of ass Which makes Kampalan prefer the cold) and… 

The Infinity Gauntlet 

Chimpanzee not even imminent is not in the list 

I did not believe him anyway. Why do we have to get up early to see them? Were they going anywhere? Did we have to be there early to catch them before they head out to work? Their only job is eating  and they don't have to go anywhere to work because they sleep in leaves. They eat their beds. They literally pash on Jobbo. And they guy wants to make me wake up. 

There is a time and a place. 

  both were opportune, after sun had risen to an accident and the kanungu coffee questions had settled (that question being, Kigezi coffee is awesome. But is it as awesome in Kigezi? Not. It maintains the same excellence. Any additional is your imagination. 

There was a further delay cos my shoes 

Apparently my shoes are not right . Dude. The chimps  have 99 per cent of my dna and walk around barefoot, and you want to say classic all stars, classic. Okay. Okay. The boots. What is the remainng dna for making soles like for timbaland? Lugabs?  I’ll wear the books like a bitch. Like a chump compared to the chimps. Another joke he didn’t appreciate. I told him he should not have woken me up that early. I don’t 

I was caffinatew enough, so we set off on what was to be a half hour ofLars and I trying Thomas patience with our jokes about his walkie talkie. 

Thomas had a walkie talkie also know as radiocall. You track the chimps via radio call. But why not give them smartphones? I asked. 

It’s 2022. They can drop pins and send by WhatsApp," Lars suggested. 

Nothing, Thomas said because he did not get the joke, got it but did not find it funny, or got it and found it funny the first couple of times but now it has gotten stale because every  single chimp tracking expedition says the same thing.

He wasn't amused by my 

Kibaale has the highest concentration of chimpls in the world I assume this means the niggas will not be hard to find. Highest concentration as far as my experience in kampala means you find shit easily. Kikuubo has the highest concentration of iPhone thieves/second hand iPhone vendors to not have your iPhone stolen and sold back to you within a half hour is to have a cracked screen that no one wants. Neither the thief nor you.

Anthro

I can’t even make a Bubbles Jackson joke cos Lars is even a millennial. They don’t know who Bubbles Jackson was.

The pictures are going to say a few thousand words now but before i fall silent and let them speak just one thing.

Staring at a chimp is a profound thing. It is. First of all, they are clean as f. Their hair is glossy and shiny and just perfect black. There is no instagram model with a head that rivals the mane of a chimp. This is achieved with no shampoo, no conditioner? Are you lying to me? Uganda Wildlife Authority does not have a secret salon squad that sneaks into the jungle and styles the chimps each night before the tourists show up?

Secondly, there is the fact that it doesn’t care. This is a member of a whole entire world, that does not give a fig about you and me. We mean hothing to them. They live their entire lives with absolutely no regard for humans. Yeah. That is something everyone should encounter once in a while: something that does not care about you. We humans think we are the centre of the world. Lars and his giddy over-keen tiptoe steps tightroping the spiderweb of wokeness because he is a white man in Africa, me with my brusque hip hop generation rebellion trying to respond by weilding my blackness and its pride as invulnerable to any offense he thinks he is capable of causing. We live on opposite sides of this globe and yet we think as members of the same community, we want to make each other feel comfortable, we are linking to each other in this dumb way. We think of the globe as ours, all of us, black and white as lars. 

But then the chimp? Does not care, does not know. Exists without the need to do either.

It is a perspective that could jar the soul but instead kind of settles it. 

I just wanted to say that before we admire the photos.